Like this:

Last weekend, I experienced first hand the sticky mess left by a wantan, gum-spitting citizen of Charlotte, North Carolina:

That’s right.  The nasty mess on my shoe is the result of stepping in someone’s sticky peppermint gum, then walking around in the grass.  Criminal offense in my mind.  My disgust led me to question what civilized human being would still spit gum on the ground when there are trash cans all over the place, not to mention small pieces of paper in your pocket or purse that could serve as a gum depository until one could locate a so-called File 13.

My only conclusion is that the inane chewer who would do such a thing as to spit gum onto the ground in a parking lot (the scene of the crime) would only do so because he or she has not experienced the nasty endavor of trying to scrape sun-warmed gumminess off of one’s flip flop.

That’s right.  I was wearing flipflops when the disaster occurred.  I first realized something had gone awry when my toes were sticking together.  Someone’s saliva-hewn, breath-infested Wrigleys was stringing from my toes to the bottom of my shoe, where I found the wad of chew.

Bottom line:  Come on, people–respect the planet and each other.  Deposit your gum appropriately.

The whole encounter led me to wonder about the use of the word “gumshoe” as slang for detective, which makes sense since a detective is constantly stuck on their mission of solving a crime.  (Think: Carmen Sandiego and the “gumshoe” contestants destined to find her locale).

However.  As it turns out, according to online source The Word Detective, the word “gumshoe” is slang for “private inspector” because

“It turns out that the original ‘gumshoes’ of the late 1800′s were shoes or boots made of gum rubber, the soft-soled precursors of our modern sneakers… At the turn of the century ‘to gumshoe’ meant to sneak around quietly as if wearing gumshoes, either in order to rob or, conversely, to catch thieves. ‘Gumshoe man’ was originally slang for a thief, but by about 1908 ‘gumshoe’ usually meant a police detective, as it has ever since.”

Who knew?  Perhaps I have a new calling.

But probably not.

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